You’re in love.
She’s one in a million – gorgeous eyes, charming smile, and awesome curves.
Everything appears romantic and colourful when she holds your hands. She takes you to another world when she hugs you. You can feel your heart pounding with joy and excitement. You wish you the times stops so you could stay in her arms – forever.
You often find yourself saying to her, “I am afraid of losing you, my love.” And she smiles at you.
No matter how hard you try ignoring or suppressing the fear – the fact is that you are afraid of losing her. You start believing that your love affair is going to end soon.
This fear of losing your beloved, this nerve-wracking phobia, is consuming you. And you wonder if you could do something about it.
Yes, you can. But for that to happen, you need to think: “Why am I afraid of losing my love?”
The answer is simple:
Because you don’t love yourself.
And why is that? Well, because you have been observing since your childhood that your parents love you only when you accomplish something.
A distinction in Maths.
First place in a 100-meter race.
The top position in a district level tennis championship. And so on.
You get the idea.
Nobody Loves Losers
And so, you start believing that to receive love, you must get successful. You fear that if you cannot do that, nobody will love you. Now, here’s a catch – everyone has his definition of success. Your parents might consider failure what might look success to you.
Let’s say you want to become a food photographer, but your parents don’t approve of this crazy idea because their idea of success is different than yours.
Most probably, your parents want you to be a part of the eternal rat race. And if you can’t stay ahead, you’re a loser.
And losers do not deserve love.
Now, here’s the challenge:
If you keep looking at yourself through others’ eyes, you’ll never be able to love yourself. If you feel you’re not worthy of even your love, how can you feel worthy of others’ love? That’s impossible.
But life surprises you. One day you find a girl who loves you, cares about you. But you doubt it.
Because deep inside your mind, you believe that you’re not worthy of love. And whatever is happening must be a mere coincidence.
You fear that your love affair is a fragile dream ready to be shattered.
So, this belief against love gives birth to fear. You start suspecting that your girlfriend may not be in love with you, and who knows she might be playing with your emotions?
This unconscious fear cripples your life. Now, the question is – How can you overcome the fear of losing your love?
Well, the first step you must take is:
What is it called when you’re afraid to lose someone you love?
‘Thanatophobia!’ Yes, this is the term psychologists use to address the fear of losing someone close to you.
No matter how hard you try suppressing the fear – it is not going to work. The harder you try, the worse it’ll get.
Remember – The more you oppose it, the stronger it gets. So don’t fight with it, instead acknowledge it.
Here’s a simple technique:
Close your eyes for a minute and address the fear.
You can say something like this, “I have refused to accept that I was afraid of losing my love, but now I’ve realised it was a mistake.”
“So, let me acknowledge you are there.”
“I admit that I have this fear of losing my beloved.”
The moment you address the fear instead of running away from it, it loses the power it had over you.
Release the Fear of Losing Your Love
The fear of losing your beloved is rooted in your subconscious mind. Here’s a simple technique to help you release it:
Sit in a place where you won’t be disturbed for 30 minutes. Take a pen and paper and start describing the fear in detail.
How you’re feeling right now?
What do you fear may happen?
What makes you think it’s going to happen, etc.
Don’t think. Don’t judge. Just go with the flow. Let all your thoughts come on paper – empty your mind.
When you feel you have nothing more to write, take a good look at the paper. Then, using the pen, mark a cross across it, tear it into pieces and say “I release the fear of losing my love – now.” And throw the paper in the dustbin. Feel the fear gone. Repeat the process until you feel completely free.
You Are Scared of Losing Someone You Love. How About Sharing the Fear?
Want to increase your happiness? Share it.
Want to lighten the burden of your pain? Share it.
Yes, sharing the fear will help – every single time.
You can share the fear of losing your beloved with your family members, friends, classmates or anybody else you trust.
If that’s not possible, then you could share it with a tree. Yes, I said, ‘ A Tree.”
The best part is that a tree will only listen – it will not judge you and definitely won’t offer you ‘advice.’ And isn’t that what you need at this moment – somebody to listen to your story without judging?
Trust me on this.
A tree can help you – go to a park, countryside or woods and choose a tree that feels right. Don’t worry. You’ll know when you come across the right one.
Sit. Take some deep breaths and start relaxing. Take your time, feel the tree’s energy. Now, start talking. Speak to the tree about the fear. Share your love story. Open yourself up – speak your mind – your thoughts, your doubts and your hopes – everything.
- Do you need more time to understand her?
- Would you like to marry her?
- Are you worried she might get married to someone else since you haven’t gotten a job yet?
No matter how silly this whole thing might appear, but the tree is not going to laugh at you. It’ll listen to you with love. And when it’s complete, you’ll feel different – calmer, centred and relaxed.
Expressing yourself will help you see the situation from a new perspective. Also, you might get some guidance from the tree. If do you receive an insight, trust and act upon it.
Loving yourself is the most crucial step you can take. As one of my heroes Acharya Shree Rajneesh (Osho) says:
If you cannot even love yourself, who else is going to take the trouble?
When you like and adore yourself, your faith in gets stronger which in turn makes you feel worthy of love.
Here’s a simple exercise to help you.
Stand in front of a mirror – first thing in the morning, and last thing before you go to bed. Look into your eyes and say to yourself “I love you” twenty-one times. Do this continuously for twenty-one days, and you’ll soon notice an enormous shift in your thinking. You’ll start feeling more kind and loving towards yourself.
I cannot say that you shouldn’t be afraid of losing someone close to you.
There can be no assurances because shit happens – all the time.
Your girl might break up with you. Or something else may happen – bomb blasts, earthquakes, accidents, murders – the list is endless.
Anything can happen.
My youngest brother died when he was barely three years old. I cried for many days, and that’s all I could do.
So, if somebody guarantees he can share a magic trick to keep your beloved with you forever, beware he’s a fraud. Stay away from him.
The truth is that you cannot control everything.
Life is unpredictable. Nobody can predict what’s going to happen tomorrow.
If you want to live joyfully, you need to trust life. Life always takes you in the right direction if only you let it.
Here is a simple technique to deepen your trust:
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and start relaxing.
Now, accept your life as it is – at this very moment. Stop fighting. Surrender. Stay with this feeling of let go for 10-15 minutes.
Try to find some time regularly for this exercise, and you shall soon notice positive changes in your personality.
So, the essence is that there’s little you can do to stop your girlfriend leaving you, but you can surely stop living in fear.
You can neither control the fear of losing someone you love nor can you control how things turn out, but you can enjoy life – by going with its flow. So, enjoy the beautiful romantic moments with your girlfriend while you still can.