It’s okay to admit.
You are afraid to lose her.
No matter how hard you try, the fear of losing your love doesn’t let you sleep.
You wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat – your breath out of control, your hands shaking, and your heart pounding so loud it’s about to explode.
But how did you get here? How come this fear of losing your beloved entered your life? Everything was romantic and magical up until some days ago. What went wrong?
Nothing. Really, nothing.
The fear was there from day one you fell in love with her. You just didn’t notice it. And now it has surfaced.
But why are you afraid of losing her?
Because you hate yourself. Yes, you do.
Since you were a small kid, you have been noticing that your parents, teachers, relatives – everybody approved of you when you accomplished something.
- When you achieved distinction in board exams.
- When you did well in the dance competition.
- When you did what you were told to do.
And so, you started believing that to receive love, you must be successful because nobody likes losers.
But here’s the thing…
Everybody has their own definition of success. You might think that the career you want to pursue is what success is. But your parents and society may consider that career path weird, or unreal.
Let’s say you wanted to study Paleontology, but your parents didn’t approve of this ‘crazy’ idea. To them, wandering in deep forests or secluded regions trying to uncover pre-historic life form was plain stupid. They instead wanted you to become an engineer.
You had to surrender. And it made you felt like a loser. You started doubting yourself. And by and by began to hate yourself for who you are.
But then something unusual happened: you found a girl who loves you and cares about you.
And guess what, your self-doubt didn’t let you believe in her love. You assumed that whatever is happening is just a coincidence – that your love affair is just a dream which eventually will be shattered.
This belief against love gave birth to fear. You started suspecting that your girlfriend might be playing with your emotions. And this unconscious fear is crippling your life.
Does that mean you can’t do anything about it?
You surely can. Here is the first step:
#Acknowledge the Fear
Have you noticed how small children, who otherwise remains peaceful, start making noise or want to show their art file or something, anything, as soon as there’s a guest in the house?
Why do you think they do so?
Because they feel attention-deprived because of the presence of the guest, and that’s obvious because now the guest is receiving all the attention – the mother and father are busy talking with the guest. Now they have a competitor. They feel left out, and so, they start craving acknowledgement.
That’s exactly why the fear of losing your love troubles you so much – because you have been busy paying attention to other things. You have never taken the time to acknowledge it. And the fear will keep on craving for your attention until you finally give to it what it always wanted – acknowledgement.
So, take the time to acknowledge your fear.
Close your eyes for a minute and address it with respect. You can say something like this, “I know I have refused to accept that I was afraid of losing my love, but now I’ve realised it was a mistake. So, let me acknowledge you are there. I admit that I am afraid of losing my love.”
The moment you address the fear instead of running away from it, it loses the power it had over you.
Acknowledging was the first step. The second step is not to hold on to the fear, instead release it.
Get a pen and paper and sit in a quiet place. Make sure nobody will disturb you for the next 30-40 minutes. Now start describing the fear in detail. For example:
- How are you feeling about your love life at this moment?
- What do you fear may happen if you lost your love?
- What makes you think it’s going to happen?
Write everything down; even the things you feel are irrelevant. Don’t stop. Go with the flow – let all the thoughts associated with the fear come on paper.
When you feel you have nothing more to write, take a good look at the paper. Then, using the pen, mark a cross across it, tear it into pieces and say “I release the fear of losing my love – now.” And throw the bits in the dustbin.
Repeat the process until you feel completely free.
#Share the Fear
They are magical.
When shared, happy emotions multiply, and sad ones cut into halves.
Want to lighten the burden of the fear you have about losing your love? Share it.
Share it with a family member, friend, classmate, or anybody else you trust.
If that’s not possible, then share it with a tree. Yes, I said ‘tree.’
You see, nature is the most powerful healer in the world. And you know the best part? It listens without judging. A tree will listen to you without interrupting or offering ‘advice.’ And that’s what you need – somebody who’d listen to your story, right?
Go to a park, countryside, or woods and choose a tree that feels right. You’ll know when you see it.
Sit under it. Take some deep breaths and start unwinding. Take your time. Feel its energy. And when you feel like it, speak. Pour your heart out. Let your fears, your hopes, your desires – everything, and I mean, everything come out. Empty yourself.
- Do you feel powerless because of negative self-talk? Would you like to learn how to develop a positive mindset?
- Do you want to improve your employability skills to get your dream job?
- Are you worried she might get married to someone else since you haven’t gotten a job yet?
I know it sounds silly, but do it anyway.
Say whatever you wanted to say since so long. The tree is not going to laugh at you. It’ll listen to you with love. And once you’ve expressed your true feelings, you’ll feel relaxed, as if a burden has been taken off of your shoulders.
Expressing yourself totally will help you see the situation from a new perspective. Also, you might get some guidance from the tree spirit. If do you receive an insight, trust and act upon it. No matter how weird it may appear.
Loving yourself is the most crucial step you can take to raise your self-worth.
Remember that the world treats you the way you treat yourself. If you love yourself, you’re bound to attract love. And as one of my heroes Acharya Shree Rajneesh (Osho) says:
If you cannot even love yourself, who else is going to take the trouble?
When you like and adore yourself, your self-faith gets stronger which makes you feel worthy of love, and eventually, you start attracting more and more love into your life.
Here’s a simple exercise. Do this first thing in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed.
Stand in front of a mirror. Look into your eyes and say to yourself “I love you” three times. Do this continuously for twenty-one days, and you’ll soon notice an enormous shift in your thinking. You’ll start feeling more kind and loving towards yourself.
I cannot say that you shouldn’t be afraid of losing your love because there can be no guarantees.
Shit happens, all the time.
- Yes, your girl might break up with you.
- Yes, she might get married to somebody else.
- Yes, something shitty may happen.
Anything can happen, anything.
And if somebody guarantees he could give you a magic trick to keep your beloved forever, know that that person is either naive or a fraud.
The truth is that you cannot control life – it’s unpredictable. It’s almost impossible to foresee what’s going to happen tomorrow.
If you want to live joyfully, you need to trust life. Life always takes you in the right direction if you let it.
Here is a simple technique to deepen your trust:
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths and start relaxing. Now, accept your life as it is – at this very moment.
Stop fighting. Surrender. Let go.
Stay with this feeling for 10-15 minutes.
Try to find some time regularly for this exercise, and you shall soon notice positive changes in your personality.
Realise that there’s very little you can do to stop your girlfriend leaving you, but you can surely stop living in fear. So live your life. And enjoy the beautiful romantic moments with her while you still can.