The fear of losing your beloved can make your days anxious and nights restless, simply because it’s human nature to hold on to things or people we love.
Unfortunately, the fear is always around the corner – from the very beginning of your love story. And we all know how most of the love affairs and romantic stories go – something like this…
You’re in love with her. She’s one in a million – gorgeous eyes, charming smile and awesome curves.
Everything appears romantic and colourful when she holds your hands. She takes you to another world when she hugs you. You can feel your heart pounding with joy and excitement. You wish you could stop the time and stay in her arms – forever. Love is in the air. You’re delighted to have her in your life.
But deep down…
You are afraid of losing her. You fear that your love affair with her may end soon. This fear of losing your girlfriend, this phobia, is consuming you. And you wonder if you can do something about it. Yes. You can. But for that to happen, you need to think why are you afraid of losing your love.
The answer is simple – because you don’t love yourself. And why is that? Because you have been observing since your childhood that you get love from your parents only when you achieve something.
When you get distinction in Math. When you win that 100-meter race. When you top the district level tennis championship.
You get the idea.
You start believing that to receive love, you must get successful. You fear if you fail to meet this condition then you will not get love from your parents. In fact, nobody will love you. Now, here’s a catch – everyone has his own definition of success. What looks success to you may be considered failure by your parents and friends.
Let’s say you want to become a food photographer, but your parents don’t approve of this crazy idea. Their perception of success might be totally different from yours.
Most probably, your parents want you to be part of the eternal rat race and get ahead. If you can’t stay ahead you are taken for a loser. And losers are not worthy of love. But if you keep looking at yourself through others’ eyes, you’ll never be able to love yourself. If you feel you’re not worthy of even your own love, how can you feel worthy of others’ love? That’s next to impossible.
But life surprises you. One day you find the girl who loves you, cares about you. But you doubt it. Deep inside, you believe you’re not worthy of love. There’s no possibility of love in your life. And whatever is happening must be a coincidence. You believe your love affair is a fragile dream about to be shattered.
This belief against love gives birth to fear.
You start suspecting your girlfriend may not be in love with you. You start considering she might be playing with your emotions. And you’re going to lose her soon. Your own unconscious fear of losing your love comes into play.
What to do?
Acknowledge the Fear
No matter how hard you try – suppressing the fear of losing someone you love is not going to work. The harder you try, the worse it gets. The fear is there. Fighting it will not help. Remember – The more you oppose it, the stronger it gets. So don’t fight with it, rather acknowledge it.
Here’s a simple technique:
Close your eyes for a minute and address the fear.
You can say something like this-“I know you are there. I had been trying to deny you but now I’ve realized it was a mistake.”
“I acknowledge you are there.”
“I acknowledge I am afraid.”
The moment you address the fear instead of running away from it, it loses the power it had over you.
Release the Fear
The fear of losing your sweetheart is rooted in your subconscious mind. Here’s a simple technique to help you release the fear:
Sit in a place where you won’t be disturbed for 30 minutes. Take a pen and paper and start describing your fear in detail.
How you’re feeling right now? What do you fear may happen? What makes you think it’s going to happen, etc.
Don’t think. Don’t judge. Just go with the flow. Let all your thoughts come on paper. Empty your mind.
When you feel nothing more left to write, take a good look at the paper. Then, using the pen, mark a big cross across the paper, tear it into pieces and say “I release the fear of losing my sweetheart – now.” Throw the paper pieces in the dustbin. Feel the fear gone. Repeat this process until you feel completely free.
Share the Fear (It Helps)
You’re afraid of losing someone you love. This fear is haunting you like a ghost – making your life painful. You’re wondering how can you ease your pain. Well, sharing the fear with someone you trust can make a huge difference.
You can share the fear with your family members, friends, classmates or anyone you trust.
If that’s not possible, then share the fear with a tree. Yes, I did say ‘Tree.” A tree will only listen and not offer you any ‘advice’. That’s exactly what you need – someone who can listen to your story without judging. A tree can be of great help. Go to a park, countryside or woods and choose a tree that feels right. Don’t worry. You’ll know when you come across the right one.
Sit under the tree. Take some deep breaths and start relaxing. Take your time, feel tree’s energy. Now, start talking. Speak to it about the fear of losing the girl of your dreams. Share everything related to your love life – your dreams, your doubts and your hopes.
- Do you need more time to understand her?
- Do you want to marry her?
- Are you worried she might get married to someone else since you haven’t gotten a job yet?
You know the best part of this exercise – the tree is not going to laugh at you. It’ll listen to you with love. Speak your heart out. You’ll start feeling different – calmer, centred and relaxed.
Expressing yourself will help you see the situation from a new perspective – not everything is in your hands. The fear shall get released. Also, you might get some guidance from the tree about what should you do. If you receive an insight, trust it and act upon it.
Start Loving Yourself
Loving yourself is the most important step you can take. As one of my heroes Acharya Shree Rajneesh (Osho) says, “If you cannot even love yourself, who else is going to take the trouble?”
Loving yourself helps you have faith in yourself. Having faith in yourself helps you feel worthy of love. You need to work on your worthiness of receiving love.
Stand in front of a mirror – first thing in the morning, and last thing before you go to bed. Look into your eyes and say to yourself “I love you.” 21 times. Do this continuously for 21 days and you’ll soon notice an enormous shift in your thinking. You’ll start feeling more kind and loving towards yourself.
There can be no guarantee that you won’t lose your girlfriend. If somebody guarantees he can share a magic trick to keep your beloved with you forever, beware he’s a fraud. Stay away from him.
Yes, you may lose your girlfriend. There’s every possibility. Your love might break up with you. Or some other shit may happen – bomb blasts, earthquakes, accidents, murders – the list is endless. The world is a dangerous place. Anything can happen. My youngest brother died when he was barely 3 years old. I cried for many days. That’s all I could do.
You cannot control everything. And fear of losing someone you love is one of them. Life is unpredictable. Nobody can predict what’s going to happen tomorrow.
If you want to enjoy life, you need to trust life. Life always takes you in the right direction if only you trust it. Start trusting life and you’ll be amazed at the results.
Here is a simple meditation to help you work in this area:
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Take 3 deep breaths and start relaxing. Take your time. Go slow.
Now, accept your life as it is – at this very moment. Stop fighting. Surrender.
Accept you’re OK with the way your life is. Stay with this feeling of surrender for 15 minutes. Try to find some time daily for this little exercise and you shall soon start noticing the positive changes in your personality. There’s little you can do to stop your girlfriend leaving you, but you can surely stop living in the fear if you can just accept the truth.
You can neither control the fear of losing someone you love nor can you control how things turn out, but can rather enjoy life – by going with its flow. Enjoy the beautiful romantic moments with your girlfriend while you still can.