Avdhesh Tondak

Personal Growth for Young People - Avdhesh Tondak

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Watching too Much TV?

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I am a fan of Hollywood movies. I don’t remember how many of them have I watched till date.

In many Hollywood movies I noticed a pattern – the moment the actor enters the house, he turns the TV on, as if it was the most important thing to do. Why would someone turn the TV on the moment he enters his house? And the TV stays turned on during that entire shot, running in the background.

 

Are you watching too much TV? Why?

Usually the dialogue was, “Let see what’s new on TV?” There’s nothing new dude. It’s the same old bullshit – corrupt politicians, below average performance by bureaucrats, and channels selling idiotic stuff, “This new revolutionary product can help you lose belly fat in just 30 days. No diet, no medicine, no exercise. Just drink 1 cup of this miracle drink everyday and the fat will melt away like butter (yeah, right). It’s so brilliant that most of the people don’t even believe us. If you want to lose fat while watching TV and munching on popcorn and sipping sodas, you have to have this product. Call XXXXXXXXXX right now. Hurry! this offer is for limited period only.”

I used to think only westerners watch too much TV. But then I noticed that Indian homes are becoming just like the western homes. They too, are busy watching TV most of the times they are in their living rooms. I noticed many of my friends keep the TV on for hours and hours.

It happens quite often that one of my friends, or relatives invite me for dinner, and he keeps talking with me with his eyes fixed on the screen. It really pisses me off. Looking at a screen while talking (or pretending) to somebody is insulting. And I am like, “if you weren’t interested in talking to me, why did you invite me in the first place?” Most of the times I had to ask, “Excuse me, do you think we can turn the TV off?” And the look on their faces is usually of utter confusion, as if I said something abnormal.

Most of the people I meet, complain that life has become stressful and chaotic and they need some peace. But how can one expect peace to enter his life if there’s an intruder in his living room the moment he steps in? Where would you ask “peace” to sit? Where’s the space? The TV brings “crowd” in your living room – lots of people chattering, shouting and yelling at each other 10 – 12 hours a day. Even the peace might get depressed in such an atmosphere.

And that intruder is your doing, it never asks you to let it intrude your privacy, it’s you only that keeps inviting it.

The headmistress of my children’s school once said in an orientation program, “we strongly advise the parents to spend some quality time with their children on a daily basis. Hearing this, one parent said, of course ma’am, I do spend quality time with my children every evening. I watch TV with them while we eat dinner.”

If you want peace, you need to take control of your life. You can’t just press a button on the remote, turn the TV on, and expect to have peace amidst all that noise. That’s naïve.

TV has its place, but it’s one thing to entertain yourself and quite another to let the TV dictate your schedule.

One of my cousins was crazy about watching cricket world cup. She used to set alarm  so she could woke up on time and watch the matches. She used to watch matches all day and all nightlong. She needed food, water, tea, and snacks, everything on bed. Nothing could interrupt her.

Am I crazy to suggest that TV is not your friend but rather an intruder? May be. But the truth is it is an intruder. If you’re wondering why you seem to lose focus so easily, why there’s no peace in your life, why your mind seems preoccupied, then you need to contemplate if you’re watching too much TV. Watching too much TV might be a sign of “Escapism.” I know because I’ve been there. There was a time when I was in between jobs. I could hardly manage my monthly expenses. Since I wasn’t clear about what to do next, I found an escape route – I started watching too much TV. The idea was not acknowledge the mess I was in.

 

What are you hiding?

Are you also hiding something from yourself? Are you escaping from the reality of your life? May be you’re not doing good in your studies or your job, and you aren’t willing to do something about it. You might be trying to solve the problems by ignoring them, but has ignoring the wound instead of curing it ever worked?

Also, have you ever wondered what actually you’re doing when you watch too much TV? You are being passive. Somewhere deep down in your mind, you have this desire to achieve your goals, but you’re too lazy to get yourself up and start taking action. So you find an alternative. Instead of becoming a wonderful chef yourself, you start watching “Master Chef.” It feels good, doesn’t it? To watch people realizing their dreams while you sit and watch them. In reality you’re born to be a participant in the game of life, and not an observer.

If you want to invite peace in your life, you need to be a participant, not just an onlooker. Onlookers never get anywhere. And it’s not someone’s life; it’s your life baby. Do you really want to let the life pass you by? Watching others on TV doing what you could also have done, and then complain that life has not been fair to you? Is that how you had visualized your life?

No! You weren’t meant to live such a lousy life. You need to take charge. Turn the TV off. Get your ass up, and start doing something. Can’t think of anything at the moment? I have some suggestions.

Go for a walk.

Tend your plants.

Try drawing some pictures

Try creating a song no matter how weird it may sound.

Try cooking a new dish, just out of your imagination.

Go cycling.

Watch children playing.

Do something that can take you back into the flow of creativity. Life is not life unless you start creating. When you sit in front of a screen, you’re being a consumer – consuming stuff created by someone else. You also have the power to create whatever you want in life. But for that to happen, that intruder in your living room has to go.

 

What would happen if you don’t watch TV for one full day (Or if you kick it out permanently?)

Do you think something bad will happen if you don’t watch TV? I can assure you nothing would happen. I am a living proof. I decided to get radical with that intruder in my living room. About 3 years back, I started noticing that my children, my parents, and myself were watching TV till late night – the same old stupid stuff, repeated and done to death time and again.

The moment we used to sit for dinner, someone or the other would turn the TV on. I suggested not turning the TV on while we ate dinner. And that made a hell of a difference in our lives. We started appreciating the food. Before that, we were just stuffing ourselves, with eyes fixed on a screen. That’s insulting to the person who prepared dinner for you. That’s insulting to the person who grew the vegetables you’re eating. That’s insulting to the people who made it possible to reach those vegetables to you while they were still fresh.

Noticing the improvement in the quality of our lives, I thought of getting real after 1 month. I decided to turn the TV off permanently.

Yes, permanently. And it’s been 3 years now since that intruder is sitting there in my living room – dead.

Do you think I miss it or my family misses it? No.

Don’t we feel the need to entertain sometimes? We do. We go to a park or we watch a nice movie on computer or in a theater. That way, we keep us entertained without letting the idiot box intimidate us with a hell lot of unwanted information.

Watching too much TV could also be a sign of “escapism.”  The tendency to not acknowledge there’s something wrong with your life. When we don’t have the courage to address the problem that could make significant improvements to our lives, we either start sleeping more than required or we start watching too much TV.

There is not much difference between an alcoholic and a TVholic. Both don’t want to address the real issues in their lives, and TV becomes a medium to forget the issues for a while. By and by the habit of running away from the real issues gets stronger and stronger.  And we don’t even realize that it’s not that comedy serial we’re fond of, but rather we’re trying not to face the facts squarely.

I remember one of my relatives addicted to TV. She used to watch TV like crazy. Often, when whole of family used to sleep, she was busy watching TV till 2 am in the morning. And it wasn’t just a one-day affair. It’ was her daily routine. She started getting stressed, started eating a lot and started watching too much TV. Within months she was overweight

Running away from real issues is not the solution.

Where does the road of TV watching lead you? Nowhere. It’s a dead end.

The question is – are you willing to let the TV intrude your whole life?

You have two options:

Don’t address your need to be creative and keep suppressing your creative energy, thinking that you’re not that talented.

Or

Turn the TV off for one full day. Notice how you feel. Sit alone for 15 minutes, watch your thoughts, and see if you could find a pattern there. Reflect on where you life is going, and is it the direction you wanted your life to move in? If not, what are you planning to do about it?

If you want to take control of your life, just close your eyes and ask yourself, “what can I create?” Keep your eyes closed and wait for the answer.

When you receive your answer, start acting on it. And kick that intruder out of your living room right away.

Littering? Don’t Feel Guilty (Even If You Do Litter)

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I’ve had quite an interesting experience related to littering years ago when I was on a train going from Delhi to my hometown Lakshminagar (muzaffarnagar) in Western Uttar Pradesh.

The compartment was occupied by young students who were coming back after, apparently, appearing in some sort of competitive exam. It was winter time. A peanut seller boy boarded the train and most of the passengers including myself bought some.

I was sitting on the single chair along the window. I have a thing to generally keep myself and my surroundings clean. So I transferred all the peanuts from the paper carry bag to the right pocket of my jacket and kept the carry bag in my lap.

I started munching the peanuts and throwing the peels the bag. Most of the boys in the compartment were amused watching me. They were staring at me as if I were some alien.

And I can understand why. Because I was the only one NOT throwing the peels on the floor. Everyone else was busy munching and littering.

Sounds of peeling. Crunching. And the musical notes of peels hitting the floor – it was nothing short of an orchestra.

I recall 3 boys sitting on the right hand side berth getting confused at my ‘strange’ behavior. One of them was trying to figure out what was happening. But he couldn’t. And finally, asked me jokingly, “Brother, what would you do with those peels?”

I replied, “Well, I’ll throw them where they belong – in the dustbin.” Hearing this – for almost 10 seconds – everybody’s hands stopped. I don’t know why but there was kind of a pin drop silence.

But as I said, it was for about 10 seconds only. The peeling, the eating and the musical notes of peels hitting the floor continued. I figured my answer embarrassed them. I could see the guilt on their faces. They continued littering but with guilt.

And guilt is the most dangerous thing in life. Guilt can harm you beyond imagination.

Now, my question to you is – Do you litter? And do you feel guilty about it sometimes? You do? Don’t.

Why? Because guilt takes you nowhere. Understanding does.

The habit of littering was not something you were born with. Ram Ji didn’t say, “OK. I am sending you on Earth. Here’s the habit of littering. Keep it with you. It’s a bit nasty but it’ll make you feel connected with fellow human beings.”

No. You were not born with it. You acquired it – from your surroundings, from the friends you have, from (maybe) your parents.

I recall having an argument with my mother over peanuts peels. It was a chilly winter evening.

My parents along with I were eating peanuts. She was insisting that it’s OK to litter. Why?  Because she was going to clean the room in the morning anyway. And I was trying to make her understand that if the waste is to be cleaned anyway, why not keep the peels in a bowl? Why waste time and energy on something you can avoid in the first place?

But you know what? Littering is just a habit. And habits can be changed if you’re willing to.

That’s where the ‘understanding’ part comes in. You don’t need to beat yourself up for littering around. No need for that. You just need to realize that if you think you’re ready to grow as a responsible young citizen, then you can do it. All you need to do is to start living your life with mindfulness.

Does the word ‘Mindfulness’ sound too fancy? It’s not. It’s simply a way of saying that from now on you’ll not let life pass by. Rather, you’ll live consciously and hold yourself accountable for the cleanliness of your body and surroundings.

So if you feel it’s time to change the habit from littering to keeping clean, here are my top tips to help you get started.

 

1. Realize littering is just a habit (and habits can be changed)

Oops! Did I just repeat myself? Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you need to realize that littering is just a habit. There’s no need to criticize yourself for being a litterer up till now.

Now that you’ve understood the reality, you can surely change it. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Yes, at times the old habit of littering may surface but with practice, it’s bound to disappear.

 

2. Start carrying a poly bag

I know poly bags are the biggest contributor to land pollution and sewage blockages. And if burned they can make the air dirty and unfit for breathing.

But I didn’t ask you to dump them. You just need to carry them so you can keep the wastage ( plastic wrappers of chocolates and biscuits, banana peels, peanut peels etc.) in them. They come in handy when there’s no dustbin in sight. You can keep the poly bag in your laptop bag or your handbag and once you’re home – dump the wastage in your home dustbin. Nice idea. Huh?

 

3. Don’t ask others to give up littering

“But shouldn’t I encourage others to follow my footsteps? Shouldn’t I be making others aware of this nasty habit?”

I know you’re feeling supercharged to keep the surroundings clean and you also want others to do the same. But take my word. Don’t.

Do you remember you also used to litter? How would you’ve felt if I met you on the street and asked you not to litter. You would’ve hated me.

Nobody likes to get orders from strangers or even friends. If you want others to stop littering, lead by example. Don’t say it. Do it. And some people, some day might start doing the same.

But it’s not for you to decide who does. It’s not your duty.

Your duty is towards yourself only.

The World Respects those Who Respect Themselves

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The world respects those who respect themselves. Why did I choose it as title of this article? Doesn’t it sound “Bollywoodish?” You’re right, it does. In fact, this article has quite a lot to do with Bollywood.

Bollywood movies give an impression that “village” in North India means a village in Bihar or Eastern UP. The moment you hear the word “villager”, you think of a guy with a talisman around his neck, wearing a dhoti-kurta and speaking, “Arey o babua, tanik hiyan ta aava” or “Ka babu ji, kaisan baat karat rahe?”

Is there something wrong with such language? Not at all, except that it typecasts villages of North India. People start believing that villages means Bihar or Eastern UP, and village dialect means Bhojpuri, Maithili, or dialects of Eastern parts of Uttar Pradesh.

 

Western UP’s dialect – Khadi Boli, is rarely featured in Bollywood movies

Essentially, the Bollywood movies exclude other villages of India. I belong to Lakshminagar (muzaffarnagar), Western UP, so I shall talk about my region.

In 2006, the movie “Omkara” was released. The movie claimed the language actors spoke was “Khadi Boli” – dialect of Western UP. I watched the movie. I can tell you the language in “Omkara” is some idiotic, imaginary language that had been projected to the world as Khadi Boli. Nothing except the word “Behanchod” was taken from Khadi boli. Even the Wikipedia mentions that “Khari boli” dialect was used in “Omkara.”

That’s what happens when native speakers of a language does not even object to some idiotic, inauthentic, and imaginary language being projected as their language.

Later, in 2013, came the movie “Zila Ghaziabad.” The movie, too, claimed the language in the movie is Khadi Boli. Again, a fallacy. Only a few words including the opening line of the song “Yo hai zila Ghajiabad” had Khadi Boli flavor, and that’s it. Nothing else.

 

Is Khadi Boli not significant enough to be featured in Bollywood movies?

It’s not the fault of Bollywood movie producers.

It’s the fault of tens of thousands of people of Western UP, especially young college students, who try to hide the fact that they belong to Lakshminagar, Meerut, Baghpat, Baraut, Saharanpur, Ghaziabad, Bijnore or Bulandshahar.

 

She was ashamed of her language

I once had visited one of my maternal aunts (who, by the way is younger than me). Her husband’s shoulder was hit in a road accident and my mother along with I went to see him. She lives in West Delhi. I had a vague idea about how to reach her house, so I called her up to ask for directions. The way she spoke was shocking. She was sounding too phony for me to believe. When I reached her place, I asked her, “What happened to you? Why were you speaking like a stranger? Have you forgotten how to speak in your mother tongue – Khadi Boli?” She hesitatingly replied, “Well, people consider Khadi Boli an indecent language and some of them even comment I speak like a “Ganvaar.”

“And aren’t you “Ganvaar” – a person who belongs to a village?”

She had no answer.

I explained it’s not about the language; it’s about the choice of words one makes. If you call someone names, even in English, it wouldn’t be a gentleman’s language at that particular time.

 

He had dumped his language to sound “Educated”

Once a guy named Sunil (name changed) approached me. He wanted to meet me to get some tips about personality development. We met in district center in Janakpuri, West Delhi. He was a nice guy, dealing with low self-confidence and career related issues. I advised him the best I could. And before we left, I commented he could get confident only if he takes pride in his mother tongue. I told him, “Sunil, you say you belong to Western UP, but the language you speak doesn’t support your claim.”

He replied, “Sir, I don’t want to sound uneducated or uncivilized, that’s why I’ve had to dump my language.”

“Sunil, dumping your mother tongue is like a tree saying no to its roots. No matter how high the tree rise, it can never be strong enough to survive the harsh weather. I don’t care how uneducated or arrogant you may sound, you nee to own your language. That’s the first step towards getting confident.”

 

She wanted me to change the way I spoke. I said, “No”

It reminds me of another incident. I was working as a Radio Jockey for FM Dilli Channel (100.1 MHz) in 2010. The channel was launched to cover commonwealth games in Delhi.

One of my fellow female radio jockeys, who is from Uttarakhand, commented, ”Avdhesh, your language sounds quite harsh.”

“It does.” I replied.

“Why don’t you do something about it?”

“Like what?”

“Try speaking in a bit softer tone, may be.”

“No. I speak my mother tongue the way I am supposed to. It’s true that the dialect of Mathura or Agar or Kanpur or Gorakhpur sounds softer than Khadi Boli, but that does not mean I should also speak the way people from those areas do.”

“It’s the sounds of a language that makes it stand out from other languages. The sounds are unique characteristics of any language. That’s how it gets differentiated.”

“I don’t care much if my language sounds harsh to your ears. It’s supposed to sound harsh. That’s why it’s called “Khadi Boli.” The sounds are harsh and direct. That’s its uniqueness. I cherish it. I respect my language and I also respect your right to respect your language.”

 

It’s not just about Khadi Boli

The lesson here is to respect your mother tongue no matter what people may or may not think about it. What people think of you is none of your business.

And it’s not just about Western UP or Khadi Boli. It’s true about every language and dialect.

It does not matter which part of India or the world you belong to. You must learn to respect your mother tongue. It’s by respecting your own mother tongue that you learn to respect others mother tongue. But yours come first.

Remember – “The world respects those who respect themselves.”