Green Diwali Conspiracy: Why I Said YES to Firecrackers

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Firecrackers in Delhi on Diwali

Pollution is a valid concern.

It does affect our lives.

We keep reading and hearing about the ill-effects of pollution on our health and environment.

It is present all around us – in many forms – vehicles, illegal and dangerous industrial units and building material stocks in residential areas, loudspeakers, and many more.

They all cause pollution, but people rarely talk about them.

But almost everybody starts talking about pollution with Diwali around the corner.

The newspapers, TV news channels, so-called liberals, seculars, and leftists start yelling at the top of their voices one and one word only-‘Green Diwali.’

‘Say no to firecrackers’ campaigns run in schools and colleges, and we’re made to believe that Diwali is the single most cause of pollution.

The question is, why all this concern for the environment emerges when Diwali approaches?

The argument is that firecrackers cause air pollution and noise pollution and hence people should not burst crackers. It’s true that fireworks pollute the air, but does firecrackers cause smoke and difficulty in breathing only on Diwali?

Green Diwali? Why? Is Diwali the Only Occasion When People Burst Firecrackers

No. There are numerous times when people use fireworks. Here are some examples:

The list is endless. But the so-called environmentalists never talks about Green Christmas, Green New Year Eve, Green IPL matches or Green victory celebrations and the pollution firecrackers cause on those occasions. Why? Do firecrackers release ‘life-enriching’ oxygen on these events?

‘Intellectuals’ Hate Diwali, Not Firecrackers

These Green Diwali crusaders (a bunch of so-called liberals, activists, and ‘concerned citizens’) try to make us believe that one day out of 365 days a year is the only cause of pollution. Rest of the year:

  • You can roam around in giant SUVs.
  • Illegal industrial units running in residential areas can release toxic waste into drains (which ultimately ends up polluting our life-lines-The rivers.
  • Heavy machinery, giant trucks, tractors, and trolleys can roam around in prohibited zones (residential areas) and pollute the air with dust and annoyingly loud noise.
  • Loudspeakers can play loud music in the name of religion.

Almost everything is acceptable, what’s not acceptable is Diwali, and hence the Green Diwali conspiracy. This whole green Diwali thing is to make Hindus feel guilty about their festivals, about their culture, and in fact, about being a Hindu. (Yes, that’s what it is.)

Let’s have a look at some examples:

  •  You worship cows – you’re an idiot. Cows are supposed to be eaten, not worshipped.
  • Lighting Diya under Peepal tree on Saturdays – you’re a stupid pagan. Millions of trees should be killed every year on Christmas to make Christmas trees because that’s the right use of trees.
  • Playing with colours on Holi – you’re dumb and insensitive to the environment – you must not use colours. They cause water pollution, but yes, using them in Bollywood movie songs depicting ‘filmy’ Holi is alright, coz that’s ‘Secular.’

Diwali: The Festival of Fireworks, Lights, and Sweets

Yes, you can choose not to burst firecrackers, but it must be your choice – originating from your freedom.

When the so-called environmentalists and dumbass liberals start dictating how Hindus should celebrate Diwali, it gets annoying.

These people never run ‘Green eid’ campaigns even though it causes massive pollution (thanks to the blood and gore).

You can’t be selective if you genuinely care about the environment

You can’t let the atmosphere get polluted the whole year, and start yelling at the top of your voice on Diwali only.

And the people who think that such attacks on Hindu festivals will stop at firecrackers are just making fools of themselves.

Next would be-“Cremating Hindu dead bodies also cause pollution, why cremate, bury them instead.” Or how about “OMG! Hindus release Carbon-dioxide when they exhale, Hindus must stop breathing.”

Concerned about the environment? Ban production of firecrackers, not Diwali

Banning firecrackers only on Diwali shows that the intention is to ban Diwali, not firecrackers. And that’s unacceptable.

And these lines by Shri Ramdhari Singh ‘Dinkar’ would sum it up for the Hindus who feel ‘Green Diwali’ conspiracy does not concern them:

समर शेष है, नहीं पाप का भागी केवल व्याध
जो तटस्थ हैं, समय लिखेगा उनका भी अपराध!

Still wondering if you should say yes to firecrackers? Read this:

Say YES to Firecrackers: Sanghi vs ‘Liberal’

“Say No to Firecrackers? Why?”

“Why are you after my firecrackers?”

“Let me tell you, dude. Don’t even think that I am concerned about the rising level of air pollution. I don’t give a damn about the environment. The large diesel vehicles that I drive almost every single day vouch for that. I can afford them; I am a liberal, you know.”

“If you don’t give a damn about the environment then why do you run say no to crackers campaigns?”

“Well, you know, you backward Hindu people burst firecrackers on Diwali.”

“Can’t you say Deepawali? And mind your language. Hindus are not backward!”

“Oh don’t you teach me how to pronounce the names of your stupid Hindu festivals, OK!? I am a liberal, and I know more than you do.”

“You know nothing. Anyways, continue.”

“So I was telling you that you Right-wing supporters, I mean you Hindu people burst firecrackers on Diwali and those crackers are quite loud. I really don’t understand why can’t you people celebrate Green Diwali?”

Those Loud Hindu Firecrackers Scare My Cutie Pie

“Cutie pie? You mean your son…or your daughter, maybe?”

“Oh, No, No! I mean my cutie pie…my lovely dearest, bestest Tommy.”

“You mean your dog?”

“Hey, don’t you dare call him a dog.” (Yells)

“What am I supposed to call a dog? Isn’t a dog, a dog?”

“See, what did I tell you? Arrogant Sanghis! You people can never understand. You see, I am an animal lover. I love them. I care for them. You must not burst crackers this Deepaw…I mean Diwali…for the sake of animals. Let’s celebrate animal-friendly, pet-friendly Diwali.”

“You care for animals? That’s a good thing. Hang on, just the other day I read you eat beef with pride. Don’t you care for cows?”

“Oh my god, beef is so yummy!”

“Hey, why don’t you care for cows the way you care for your do..ahh..I mean your Tommy.”

Liberals Are Supposed to Eat the Cows, Not Care for Them

The cow is a Hindu animal. Progressive people like us are not supposed to care for cows or anything related to Hindus or what do you call it? Yeah…I remember – ‘Sanatan Dharma’, right? ..huh! Our job is to make Hindus ashamed of their festivals, culture and history.” (Grins) Have you ever heard any liberal run ‘Say No to Bakras’ campaign on Eid or ‘Say no to firecrackers’ on New Year eve?. By the way, I love fireworks on New Year.”

“So all this ‘Say No to Crackers this Diwali’ is a drama to make Hindus ashamed of their rich culture?”

“Hell yeah! What else you thought? But hey, don’t tell this to anyone. It’s a secret I am supposed to keep forever, Okie? Happy Diwali. And yes, say no to crackers.”

Really? Screw You. I am Saying YES to Firecrackers!

“Yeah, sure! Keep your ‘cutie pie’ locked inside your diesel vehicle. I am going to burst a hell lot of firecrackers. Your dog is sure to pee in the comfy seats of your phoney and bogus ‘Secularism’,  which is nothing except anti-Hinduism propagated by ‘Rice bag converts’, ‘Dhimmis’, and traitors like you.”


“You heard me. I am saying Yes to firecrackers this Deepawali.

“Oh no!” (Crashes!)

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Avdhesh Tondak is a blogger on a mission: to cut the crap and give the readers what they want (and deserve)—personal development articles in plain English. Connect with him on facebook and twitter.