Green Diwali Conspiracy: Say YES to Firecrackers this Diwali?

Last updated: Dec 07, 2019

Firecrackers in Delhi on Diwali

Have you seen the night sky on Diwali?

It’s horrible.

The deadly smoke and harmful suspended particles float in the air like birds in the open sky. Infants, young children, asthma patients… Diwali is a freaking nightmare for them—there’s a truckload of air pollution. *cough* *cough*

What causes it?

Firecrackers, of course.

But Diwali is just a one-day affair out of the 365 days of the year. Are firecrackers also the cause of all year-long air pollution?

No!?

Then what pollutes the air we breathe on the rest of the days—364 days, to be precise.

Let’s see…umm…well, vehicles on the roads, illegal industrial units operating in residential areas, unauthorised building material stocks running in crowded neighbourhoods—they all cause pollution.

But people seldom talk about them.

And, surprisingly, every Tom, Dick, and Harry turns into an environmental activist as soon as Diwali approaches.

Schools and colleges run “Say no to firecrackers” and “Eco-friendly Diwali” campaigns. Police officials visit schools and persuade children to take the “Green Diwali pledge.”

“Concerned” NGOs educate people on “How to celebrate a clean and Green Diwali,” and you’re made to believe that Diwali is the most massive contributor to air pollution.

Newspapers, TV news channels, so-called liberals, seculars, and leftists yell at the top of their voices, only one word—”Green Diwali.” They declare that Green Diwali is the silver bullet to kill the dark and deadly pollution monster.

But, is it, really?

Green Diwali? Why Only Diwali?

No doubt, the reasoning behind Green Diwali is solid: firecrackers cause air pollution (along with noise pollution), and hence people should not burst crackers.

Cool.

But the question is, do firecrackers release deadly smoke only on Diwali?

Also, is Diwali the only time people burst crackers?

Hell, no. People use firecrackers on many other occasions. A few examples:

  • Christmas
  • New-year eve
  • IPL matches
  • Electoral victories of political parties
  • Celebrity marriages

Now, here’s a serious question:

Why the so-called environmentalists never run “Green Christmas,” “Green New Year Eve,” or  “Green IPL matches” campaigns?

*Crickets*

The Ugly Truth of Green Diwali Crusaders

The Green Diwali people (so-called liberals, activists, and concerned citizens) drill into our heads that bursting firecrackers for a mere 4-5 hours each year is the biggest cause of pollution. Rest of the year…

Monstrous diesel guzzling SUVs move freely.

Highly dangerous (illegal) polluting factories run in residential areas without any check.

Digging and excavation stay “on” all-year-round—giant trucks, heavy machinery, tractors, and trolleys keep roaming (even in prohibited zones) and pollute the air with dust and other dangerous suspended particles.

And yet, when it comes to a couple of hours of Diwali celebrations, everybody gets “sensitive.” Can you think of a better joke?

What If I Told You “Green Diwali” Is a Conspiracy?

A conspiracy? Against who?

Who do you think?

Hindus.

It’s sinister propaganda to make Hindus feel guilty about Hindu culture—their traditions, their festivals, and eventually about themselves.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s proof:

  • You worship cows? You’re a freaking idiot. Cows are supposed to be eaten, not worshipped.
  • You light Diya under Peepal tree on Saturdays? You’re a stupid pagan. Trees should be killed every year to make Christmas trees, millions of them.
  • You play Holi with watercolours? You’re insensitive to the environment. Only Bollywood movies have the right to use colours—for depicting “Filmy Holi,” coz the lead actor belongs to the “secular” community.

Are Firecrackers a “Must” on Diwali?

Of course, you can choose not to burst firecrackers, but it must be your choice—your own understanding. And not because a bunch of dumb-ass Hindu haters told you.

You want to save the environment? Great. But you can’t be selective if you genuinely care about the environment. You can’t let the air get polluted the whole year, and start displaying “concern” on Diwali only.

And the Hindus who think that such attacks on Hindu festivals will stop at firecrackers, are just making fools out of themselves.

Next could be:

“Hindu incense sticks make it hard to breathe, stop burning the incense.”

Or “Hindus release carbon-dioxide when they exhale, Hindus must stop breathing.”

Or “Cremating Hindu dead bodies also cause air pollution. Why cremate? Bury them instead.”

When, and where will it stop?

I get it. You say you’re concerned about the poor air quality on Diwali.

Fine.

Run “Stop production of firecrackers” campaigns, and not “Say no to firecrackers this Diwali.” Banning crackers only on Diwali shows that you intend to ban Diwali, not firecrackers.

And that’s unacceptable.

Now, the Hindus who believe Green Diwali conspiracy does not concern them, here are some lines by Shri Ramdhari Singh “Dinkar”:

समर शेष है, नहीं पाप का भागी केवल व्याध
जो तटस्थ हैं, समय लिखेगा उनका भी अपराध!

Still wondering if you should say yes to firecrackers? Below is a conversation between a Hindu and a so-called liberal. Read and decide for yourself.

Should You Say YES to Firecrackers?

“Say No to Firecrackers? Why? Why are you after my crackers?”

“Let me tell you, dude. Don’t even think that I am concerned about the rising level of air pollution because I don’t give a damn about the environment. The large diesel vehicles that I drive every day can vouch for that. I can afford them; I am a liberal, you know.”

“If you don’t give a damn about the environment, then why do you run “Say no to firecrackers” campaigns?”

“Well, you know, you backward Hindu people burst firecrackers on Diwali.”

“Mind your language! Hindus belong to the oldest civilisation of the world. We gave this world “Zero,” “Ayurveda,” and the concept of “Co-existence,” our contribution is so enormous that you can’t even imagine. Hindus are not backward.”

“Oh, don’t you lecture me. I am a liberal; I know more than you do.”

“You know nothing. Anyways, continue.”

“Yeah, so I was telling you that you right-wing supporters, I mean you Hindu people burst firecrackers on Diwali and those crackers are quite loud. I really don’t understand why can’t you people celebrate Green Diwali? I have the right to breathe, you know.”

“You Must Say No to Firecrackers Because You Scare My Cutie Pie”

“Cutie pie? You mean your son…or your daughter, maybe?”

“Oh, no, no. I mean my cutie pie…my lovely dearest, bestest…Tommy!”

“You mean your dog?”

“Hey, how dare you call him a dog?” (Yells)

“What am I supposed to call a dog? Isn’t a dog, a dog?”

“See, what did I tell you? Freaking arrogant Sanghis! You people can never understand. You see, I am an animal lover. I love them. I care for them. You must not burst firecrackers this Diwali for the sake of animals. Let’s celebrate clean, animal-friendly, noise-free, safe and Green Diwali.”

“You care for animals? That’s great. Hey, hang on, the other day I read you eat beef with pride. Don’t you care for cows?”

“Oh my god, beef is so yummy.”

“Hey, why don’t you care for cows the way you care for your do…, I mean your Tommy.”

You Think “Liberals” Are Supposed to Care for Cows?

“Why don’t I care for cows? OMG, you’re cho-chweet, you sweet little thing! The cow is a Hindu animal, no, dumbo!”

“Progressive people like us are not supposed to care for cows. Or anything related to Hindus, or what do you call it? Yeah, I remember… “Sanatan Dharma,” right? Huh!”

“You see, our job is to make Hindus ashamed of their festivals, culture, and history.” (Grins) “Have you ever heard any liberal run “Say no to firecrackers” on New Year eve? By the way, I love fireworks on New Year.”

“So all this “Say No to Firecrackers this Diwali” is a drama to make Hindus ashamed of their rich culture?”

“Hell yeah! What else you thought? But hey, don’t tell this to anyone. It’s a secret I am supposed to keep forever, Okie? Happy Diwali. And yes, say no to firecrackers.”

“Screw You and Your Green Diwali.”

“Keep your “cutie pie” locked inside your diesel vehicle coz I am going to burst a hell lot of firecrackers this Diwali. Your scared dog is sure to pee on your “Secularism,” which is nothing except anti-Hinduism propagated by “rice bag converts,” “dhimmis,” and traitors like you.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I am saying yes to firecrackers this Diwali.”

“Oh, no!” (Crashes!)

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Avdhesh Tondak is a blogger on a mission: to cut the crap and give the readers what they want (and deserve)—personal development articles in plain English. Connect with him on facebook and twitter.