How to Improve Self Esteem

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Sunil is excited!

He’s found a magical potion that can help him improve self-esteem. This potion can boost self-confidence and raise self-worth like anything. Once taken, it can keep his self-esteem supercharged for five years.

This self-esteem booster syrup was not available in the open market.  Somehow, Sunil has managed to get it from one of the contacts of his friends. He’s paid quite a hefty amount for it.

He’s unscrewing the cork with shaking hands. Oh! The syrup smells awesome. Sunil gulped down the mixture in one go. Wow! It tasted delicious.

Hang on. What’s happening? OMG! Sunil’s self-esteem has started boosting, and he’s feeling motivated like anything. He’s never felt this good in his life. “This syrup works. Now, nobody can stop me from achieving my dreams. Yoo-hoo!” He said to himself proudly.

Lucky Sunil.

I wish I also could find that syrup. I am willing to pay any price to get it. After all who doesn’t want to develop self-esteem? But alas, there’s no such syrup or remedy available, at least not in the real world.

I need to put some efforts daily to grow my self-esteem and maintain a positive self-image.

Do you also want to help you do the same? Especially when the wrong kind of people surrounds you. People, whom we call ‘assholes?’

Raising Self-Worth is a Life-long Process

That’s why you need to make efforts daily to stay motivated.

It’s like eating food. Food gives you energy, but you don’t expect that food eaten today shall keep you full of enthusiasm for one week. Not possible.

Likewise, you need to do something daily to stay motivated.

But that can be hard if assholes surrounded you.

Assholes? Yup! Negative people who suck your energy. Their very presence makes you uncomfortable.

At times you are unable to figure out the cause of a sudden decline in your self-esteem and confidence. Self-doubt kicks in. You start thinking there’s something wrong with you, while in reality, those negative vibes are originating from assholes around you.

The sad thing is that sometimes you can’t avoid such negative people. Because they may be your family members. Or a neighbour next door or maybe one of your ‘friends.’ (Now that’s a difficult situation, isn’t it?)

Developing self-esteem is not always about shouting on top of your voice that you can do this and you can do that. It is actually about having a positive self-image and feeling good about yourself and moving in the direction of your dreams with hope and enthusiasm.

So, here are some tips to help you out.

1. Recognise the ‘Assholes’ in Your Life

You cannot develop self-esteem unless you mark the assholes in your life. And how do you do that?

There’s a simple exercise for that. Note down the names of people whom you come in regular contact.

Now, take the first name and think how you feel in that person’s presence? Negative? Hmm. That means you need to stay away from him. Go through all the names and analyse them one by one.

The sooner you recognise such persons, the better it would be. Sometimes you keep bearing such people for the sake of companionship. What you don’t realise is that they are not worth keeping company. It took me almost 30 years to recognise one such asshole in my life (what an asshole I had been)

2. Tell them to ‘Fuck off’

Telling the assholes to disappear from your life is the fastest way to get rid of them.

But it requires a lot of courage and willingness to face the consequences.

There might be some heated arguments because no asshole likes to be called an asshole.

If you think you can tell them straight to their face then do it. But I know sometimes taking this approach could be hard to take, especially, if you’re supposed to make this drastic change in your life all of a sudden. So, maybe you could try a different approach by being diplomatic.

The choice is yours-either tell them straight in their face to fuck off or start making some distance.

When they call you up to check if you would like to accompany them to that marriage function where you’re also supposed to go (they know you too have been invited).

Maybe you could say ‘Oh! I am not feeling well, and I don’t think I’ll be able to attend the function’.

But then go, and when you meet them at the venue, tell them that after taking medicine you started feeling better and thought that you should attend the function.

Do you get the idea? The point is to start making distance with such people.

Attention is the soul of any relationship. And when you take it out from the equation, it starts dying. Keep that in mind, and soon you’ll see those assholes disappearing from your life. It may take some time, so be patient.

3. Positive Self-Image Requires Positive Friends

Make up for the harm you had done to yourself by making some positive friends. You need to compensate for the wrong you had done to yourself. All the wrong things that you may have learned unconsciously or consciously needs to be unlearned.

If you’re not able to find positive people at present, dare to stay alone for the time being.  It’s better to be alone than in a lousy company.

4. Improving Self Esteem Takes Time, Falling Back Doesn’t

Human beings are social animals. It’s hard and impractical to stay alone for a long time.

Now you’re vulnerable-you’re not keeping company with assholes but you haven’t been able to find some positive people as of now. At this stage, there’s a danger that you might fall back to your past habits. So, what can you do? Maybe you could try out the Internet.

There are millions of blogs related to positive thinking. Become a member of any such blog or forum. You can ask questions. You can answer others’ questions. And you can find some motivation move forward.

5. Raise Self-Worth: Revive Your Hobbies

Remember the praise you had got from your teacher and classmates for that drawing when you were in 10th Standard?

Or that applaud when you used to make the whole class laugh at your jokes?

Or what about your public speaking skills? You were excellent at speaking during the morning assembly. What happened?

See, hobbies help you express creatively. You need not worry about the outcome. Hobbies are for fun. They liberate you, uplift your spirits and ultimately help you develop high self-esteem.

So why not revive your hobbies now? Refreshing your hobbies can surely help you develop self-esteem.

I know what you’re thinking-“That was a long time ago. Now I am 35 years old, a father of two. How can I draw?”

It’s damn easy. Take a pencil, an eraser, a sharpener, some colours and one art file.

Don’t think – draw – anything. Let your creative juices flow once again, and you’ll see it’s not that difficult. Once you start reviving your hobbies, you’ll soon notice a kind of positive boost in your self-esteem.

6. Improve Self Esteem With Solar Plexus Meditation

Your Solar Plexus Chakra gets weak because of negative vibes.

As a result, you suffer from low self-confidence and negative self-image which eventually affects your self-esteem.

The solution?

Heal your Solar Plexus Chakra.

“But what is a Chakra?” You ask.

Well, Chakras are energy centres in the body which act as the connecting points between your physical body and ethereal body (subtler body – energy field that is not visible to ordinary human eyes).

There are seven major chakras in your body:

  • Root Chakra
  • Sacral Chakra
  • Solar Plexus Chakra
  • Heart Chakra
  • Throat Chakra
  • Third Eye Chakra
  • Crown Chakra

The study of Charkas is a vast subject, but we’ll not get into details. As of now, just be informed that Solar Plexus Chakra (3rd chakra) is responsible for your self-esteem and confidence.

Here’s How to Do It

Make sure you will not be disturbed for 15-20 minutes.

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.

Close your eyes and take three deep breaths.

Imagine that every time you exhale, all the stresses that may be within you are going out of your body. Feel that with each breath going inside, you are inhaling positive energy which is making you feel good.

Focus on your breathing. If your mind goes here and there, let it. Thoughts will come, they may be negative or positive. Just watch them, don’t try to push them away or get identified with them. Now focus on your solar plexus. The Solar Plexus is located 2-3 inches above your navel (Naabhi), and the colour associated with it is bright yellow.

Imagine that there is a ball of bright yellow light in your Solar Plexus. Visualise or think about it. Take your time. Keep visualising that beautiful ball. Become one with it. Feel the warmth and comforting sensation. After a few minutes, imagine that the ball has started moving in a clockwise direction. You might feel some discomfort as it is your first time doing any such thing. Just take care not to force yourself. Be gentle.

Keep giving energy to the thought that the bright yellow ball is moving in a clockwise direction. After some time it will start running automatically.

Feel that as the ball is moving, your confidence is rising. The key here is to feel. Just feel, and it’ll happen. Keep doing it till you experience a kind of completeness. Sit with your eyes closed and stay present to whatever you are experiencing.

Even if you don’t feel anything first time, don’t give up. Keep doing it, and soon you’ll notice a boost in your self-confidence.

After some practice you can do it anytime you need:

  • Let’s say you are sitting in the examination hall – nervous about the outcome. Just close your eyes and start visualising the bright yellow ball moving clockwise in your solar plexus.
  • You have gone for an interview and feeling low. Close your eyes for a while and practice it while waiting for your turn.
  • You need to see someone in an authoritative position, and you are travelling by public transport. Close your eyes and do this powerful meditation then and there.


If you’re seriously thinking to improve self-esteem, then not obliging the assholes should be a no-brainer. Realise the harm you’ve caused yourself by being friends with such people, and take some action. Kick such people out of your life – forever!

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Avdhesh Tondak is a blogger on a mission: to cut the crap and give the readers what they want (and deserve)—personal development articles in plain English. Connect with him on facebook and twitter.